No Wheelchair Allowed? Apparently Some People Still Haven't Heard of the ADA.

This whole wedding experience has been a bit of a surprise for me. I expected to come across a few more challenges as I progressed in planning my wedding. Does that make me cynical? As it turns out though, I have been pleasantly surprised by everyone’s excitement and willingness to help however they can and have had nothing but positive experiences, especially with my dress. I became even more grateful for this when I saw a post made by one of my friends on facebook. She had been shopping for her best friend’s wedding dress when she was told that she could not enter the store because of her wheelchair. The story was picked up quickly by the local television station.



Here is the full story.


I can’t believe it. I mean, first of all you can see from the photo that the front of Kim Kriner's Bridal Boutique  is barrier free, which means that a person in a wheelchair can, in fact, enter the store. But someone has set it up so that the aisles are narrow making it hard for people in wheelchairs to get around. Does this person make an attempt to fix this, since you know, it’s the law? No, he or she puts a sign on the door and has staff tell people in wheelchairs to leave when they try to enter.


The girls entered anyway, only to be told that Stephanie could not enter the dressing room because her wheels might dirty the dresses. The staff that told them this was actually surprised when the girls got angry. See they have a policy about no shoes in the dressing room and wheels and shoes are the same thing, right?


My question is this. What if Stephanie had been the bride?


Clearly this store has never even considered the fact that someone with a disability might need to use their services. Cleary, they had no intentions of even trying to make accommodations for this before today.
All I can say is thank you Stephanie for going in anyway, for making this story public and for not letting this happen to someone else; someone like me, whose biggest fear was being told that she could not try on dresses because of her wheelchair.


And thank you to Mimi's Bridal Boutique and David's Bridal in Ann Arbor for seeing a bride and not a wheelchair, for making me feel comfortable and for helping me find my dress.

Should You Hide Your Scars on Your Wedding Day?

So I know this blog has not had much of the focus that I originally intended, that is, I have not written much around the subject of disability as it relates to the wedding process. I think this is because, being a daily part of my life, my efforts to work around my disability a streamlined, unnoticed and natural.

I realize now, that I am letting too much of my own personal circumstances affect the content of this blog. My original goal was not just to write about my own experience with planning a wedding with a disability, but also to serve as a resource to others.

I forgot about that part.

But, once again my favorite TV show, Say Yes to the Dress, was able to inspire me. This weekend, I was watching re-runs and I happened to see two different episodes where women shopping for dresses had pretty substantial scars that they didn’t want to have showing on there wedding day.

My first reaction was to jump through the screen and shake them. And then I remembered that to some people scars are a big deal, and showing them off on your wedding day is not something many people want to do.

As a person with a disability I have lots of scars, and I think they are a very big deal, to other people. For me, they are just another part of my body, like my freckles, I don't even notice them, even when they are clearly visible, unless someone is kind enough to point them out. One day at work, I had this crazy idea to wear a skirt and co-worker stopped me in the hall and said in a very loud voice: “You have big scars on your legs, doesn’t that bother you?”

No, they don’t. Scars mean that I survived, why should that bother me? But on the day I choose my dress, I found my self asking my mother how much of the large scar on my back showed? It’s a scar I have had nearly all my life, the result of a heart surgery that saved my life when I was just days old. Mom said that much of it was showing and for a moment I remember the voice of my co-worker in the hallway.

Can you see my scar ?
(This is NOT the dress by the way)

Then I remembered that on my wedding day, I won’t be surrounded by insensitive co-workers with a warped sense of beauty and little tact. I will be surrounded by the people that love me, that think my scar is beautiful because it means that I am here and that I am able to get married, and have a family and live. And I bought the dress anyway, because it was the dress and I wasn’t going to compromise on it because of some silly scar.

And I hope that you don't either

However, for those of you who are a little self conscious, this article will show you  how to hide scars with make-up so you don't have to sacrifice style or worry about that one relative who you just know is going to notice no matter how great you look.

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In a Hurry to Wait

So my dress is here.

I am not sure how I feel about this. On one hand I am super excited because OH MY GOD MY DRESS IS HERE!! On the other, it wasn’t supposed to be here until January. Now I feel like I have all these decisions to figure out that I had been planning on putting off until the dress arrived.

Who is going to do the Alterations?

Should a wear a veil or not?

What kind of hair piece do I want?

Logically, I know that I still have quite a while to make these decisions, and that there is no need to freak out, but there is some large flaw in my wiring that prevents me from intentionally taking my time with ANYTHING. Maybe it’s the fact that I have to go so slow if the physical area in my life. Maybe it’s the fact that I leave unaccomplished what I don’t/can’t finish immediately. There is a book sitting in my room with the last hundred pages unread, framed pictures I never hung, and leftovers in fridge that I have not eaten. I had to go down to one movie at a time on Netflix because if we didn’t watch them in one night/weekend they would sit there for months. Anything, I quit or put off for more the 24 hours is forgotten for months, years, or even forever.

So, to compensate, I have developed this need to get everything done as soon as possible. I read novels in a day, and write them in a month, I plow through craft projects and shop online instead of waiting for a ride to the store. I get mad when other people slow me down or tell me to take a break or sleep on it. Sometimes, this works out, like with my dress, or my first set of engagement pictures which were taken in April, other times I sacrifice the quality or enjoyment of things because I was in such a hurry.

I could see this flaw in me being something that might turn me into a bit of a monster late in the game. We are planning on hand-making the center pieces, the favors and other things and I know I am going to have to talk myself down and keep myself from staying up for days on end to finish in one sitting, and to bite my tongue when people take their time doing things to help me as well.

I need to take a breath and remind myself that the wedding is still 10 months away. There is no reason to let a shop with poor reviews alter my dress just because it is faster and easier. I have the time to look up some local places, to call for quotes. I can decide on a veil or hair piece later instead of paying $65 dollars for a barrette. This really feels unnatural to me, but I know it is the better choice. So I am going to try. I am going to go make sure my dress fits and that I like the color, and then I am going to start figuring out the rest. I hope that I do not regret this decision. I hope that it does not backfire and that I am not freaking out two weeks before because my dress isn’t right or I never found a veil, if that does happen, duck.

Dress Shopping: A Balancing Act.

I found a dress. Actually, not only did I find one dress. I found three. Don't worry, I only bought one. I am sure it is the right one, maybe. It was when I bought it. My friends think its right too. Now my brain is playing tricks on me. Making me second guess myself. After weeks of "Say Yes to the Dress" I should have seen this coming. It happened like every third episode. It’s not like a pair of jeans though. You can have enough. You get one and that’s it. My problem is that I fell in love with three and had to choose. I made the right choice, I did, but I expected to fall in love with just ONE dress, not three. A few things broke the tie for me. 1. The dress I chose made my mother cry. She pointed this out to me at least 5 times. 2. The dress I chose did not weigh more then I did. The other’s did and although I loved them for the five minutes I wore them. I don’t t hink I would loved them after 8 hours, or even 1 hour. 3. The dress I chose made me smile. We took picture of each and as EVERYONE pointed out I look happy in this dress, even though it was one of the last of the day and I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

It was a long day, and I could not have done it without

Stephanie she was vital, but Christy was just as important. Christy is the type of person that will tell you the truth, if you ask her opinion, even if she knows its not what you want to hear. She was good at not only telling me she didn’t like a dress, but also exactly what she didn’t like without making it about me. I did have to make the choice without my sisters though. My twin got sick at the last minute and my big sister had a commitment that she could not break. Mom was there. She liked a lot of things I didn't and wasn't a fan of things I liked. Though we did agree at the end.

The first place we went to was a boutique in Ann Arbor called Mimi’s. I was pleasantly surprised by this place. It was accessible, (although not if you are looking for wedding party attire because that is all upstairs) the staff was friendly, and they had a wide range in price. I actually found one of my top three at this store. This store had a lot of beautiful dresses with full skirts and longer trains.

I went into dress shopping thinking that I wanted an all over lace dress, but quickly realized that because they didn’t typically have a structure to them and I am not model thin, that they didn’t really work for my body type. We rejected several others that I had pre-selectedwithout even taking a picture because the fit was so terrible. Then we started to hit on a style that works for me. A fitted dress with ruching which lengthened my torso and gave me that tiny waist that everyone strives for.

I recommend this style for anyone with a disproportionately short torso and/or concerns about their stomach area. I have both and this style made me look and feel awesome. I loved the way the first dress made me look, and so did my Mom. But the element she loved, the

straps, were a no for me. Because I move my shoulders so much when walking, straps always fall off unless I make them really tight and that isn't so comfortable.

We began trying on lots of dresses in this style. They looked great but they did not have the WOW factor.Then we found one that might be the one. I really loved this dress, but it was at the top of my budget and we still had more appointments so we left it there thinking we would come back for it, but 3 dresses into the next appointment. It was forgotten.

Our next appointment was a David’s Bridal and I pleasantly surprised by both their service and selection. The handicap accessible dressing room was around the corner so we ended up moving so we didn’t have to walk as far in dress that was not hemmed. I am 5 feet 1 inch so everything was super long. We discovered that the small rooms made it easier because I had less chance of falling when a wall was always in reach. The fitting room was a science that Stephy and I had down by the second store. Mostly, what would happen is I would sit in a chair and Stephy would put my feet in the dress and then I would stand and hang on to a wall. She would then pull the dress on. We must have tried on 15 dresses at least. She was sweating by the end of it, but never complained or made me feel bad for wanting to try on some dresses twice.

My consultant was helpful but was not in the way and I found two dresses there I loved at this store. This is also where I learned that just because the dress is beautiful doesn’t mean it makes you look beautiful. This dress was my favorite on the hanger, on me it was one of the first to go.

The size selection at David’s was not as great. They had mostly bigger sizes available to try on, because of the poor fit, many of them were rejected pretty fast.

It was interesting to try and walk out in dresses that were so big, One was so huge that It actually fell right off my body even when zipped. Stephy had to hold both the top up, so I would flash the gallery and the bottom up so I wouldn't trip myself. Then she had to hold the dress tight while we debated. We didn't like it. Later, we tried the 8 which we thought might be small, but actually fit. However, we still didn't like the dress. That reminds me. Wedding dresses run SMALL. Most of the dresses I tried on were a 10, which is about 3 to 4 sizes bigger than normal for me. The dress I ordered ended up being an 8. I would never recommend ordering a dress without know exactly how THAT dress will fit first.

This dress was my second contender for the dress. I actually still love this dress. It had the all over lace that I wanted with the structure I needed and the sash added a pop of my favorite color. Ultimately though, it was impractical; It weighed a lot and the long dramatic train was more for a church wedding then the casual one we are having. It would have been a lot to bustle and I still needed to be able to sit comfortably. I didn’t think

about it until later, but the train may have been able to be shortened in the alterations process. Still that would not have changed the weight much and the beading under my arms would have started to hurt after a while as well. If my disability had not been a factor this would have been the dress. Even though, I did have to make a few compromises on my choice because of my disability. I don't feel like I had to settle or get a dress I didn't want, in fact, only a couple of my choices we based on my disability. I went into this thinking that it would be a HUGE factor and it wasn't.

All brides have to compromise on their dress a little, either because of their body type, budget or other factors. I think it is important to remember that. Your disability is just one additional factor you have to take into account. You can't just choose a dress you love. You have to choose the one that works for you and your wedding, but you don't have to settle. You can love the dress that works too. It was a hard choice to make, but I think if I had chosen any dress except the one I chose I would regret it.

Unfortunately, I cannot show you THE dress. This blog is public and I don’t want Tom to see it so you’ll have to wait. I promise that it’s beautiful. It takes in everything I wanted and needed without compromise.

Now, that we have the dress we have got an even bigger task ahead. Shoes. Prayers might be helpful.

Dress Stress

Five days until I go dress shopping. For the last few months I have been addicted to TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. This is not the show I should be watching, let me tell you. That show will put fears into your head that you never even thought of before. I saw a preview for a new episode where they literally get a woman stuck in a dress. Really?

I’ve recruited my friend Stephanie to make she this doesn’t happen to me. Stephanie is the kind of girl that every girl like me needs in their wedding party. What kind of girl am I? I am the procrastinate because I hate making phone calls, why don’t they have a website, know what I want but not how to get there, worry over every possible disaster sort of girl. Stephanie, well, she actually likes most people so that helps and she is excellent with both details and what comes next. Plus, she has been in like 100 weddings. When it comes time for her wedding, she will probably have a hard time letting anyone help. Stephanie has been with me for most of my “formal dress” dressing room experiences in the last 10 years. The most memorable, so far being the time we were searching for a dress for me to wear at President’s Ball and we almost got kicked out of a dressing room. Apparently, most stores don’t allow two people per stall, especially when they are laughing loud enough to wake the dead. Hopefully, the places we will be going to look for my dress won’t mind her coming in with me. It can be really awkward and time consuming to have someone who doesn’t know you or your disability help you change, just because so often, people will try to do what they think you need rather than listening to what you actually need. Having Stephanie there will help with the physical stress of the day. Did I mention she made the appointments and planned out the day as well? I love her.

The mental stress is a whole other issue all together. I have never been comfortable flaunting myself in front of groups of people and having them shoot compliments and not-so compliments at will. I hate to be the center of attention and yet here I am getting married, buying dresses and bringing an entourage with me while I do it. That’s right. I am a cliché. Worse, I am an obnoxious cliché. I will have with me my mother and four out of the five in my bridal party. I will be sending picture messages to at least two others. I will probably cry at least once. Just count your blessings that glittery ball gowns don’t fit into wheelchairs or I’d probably come home in one.

I don’t think I have ever looked so forward to something I’m dreading in all my life. This Saturday is the big day. Hopefully, I end the day with a dress, with all relationships in tact, and with enough time to catch the football game.

An Introduction

I am starting this blog out of frustration. Because I know I am not the first woman in a wheelchair to get married and yet in all the vastness of the internet I have found exactly two examples of how some brides have decorated their chairs for the big day and absolutely nothing of dresses that work best for the seated bride. And that’s just the dress. There is also the shoe issue. I will be using both my chair and crutches on my big day and I need a dress and shoes that work for both. This, it seems, has never happened before. I know that this is bound to be the first of several problems I might encounter which require some creativity, luckily I, like many people with disabilities, am a master of ingenuity.

I guess, since I really don’t have many answers at this point I should start with an introduction. My name is Melissa and I am 28 years old. I was born with what they call a “Moderate” case of Cerebral Palsy. I am able to walk, using crutches or a walker, but use a chair at work and for long distances. I met my fiancé, Tom on Myspace when I was 23 almost 24. Last summer we bought a house and I started a full time job at a local nonprofit. This allowed me to come off of SSI and marry Tom without any government strings attached. He proposed in March and the big day is scheduled for September 10, 2011.

So that’s us. Now, that we have passed the one year mark, the planning is starting to kick into full gear. The first big order of business is the the dress. Let the games begin.