Friday, March 23, 2012

100 Reasons Why...

In honor of March being Cerebral Palsy awareness month, I wanted to share something I posted over at LiveJournal on February 17, 2003. I was 20 years old. My perspective on my disability has changed a lot since then, but I still think this list is at least 95 percent true. Something to think about while reading: Everything on this list came from an actual experience. Many, of those experiences were not positive, but I was able to find humor in them anyway.

Since I posted it it has been shared (with and without permission) on various disability related websites and blogs. Every time I stumble upon it I am delighted. People have taken it upon themselves to change some of the list or add to it. I think it's awesome, because it's based more one my experience than a universal one. Here it is in its original glory:

One-hundred Best Things About Having CP

1. Cool toys.
2. Free money.
3. Random guys pick you up and carry you places.
4. Always the last person to be suspected of anything.
5. Never have to wait in line at theme parks or concerts.
6. Priority housing.
7. Everyone thinks you’re sweet and innocent (even if you’re not).
8. No strangers will ever confront you because they’re afraid of hurting your feelings.
9. When you run over people and tell them it’s an accident, they actually believe you.
10. You can get people to do things like cook for you because you’re in the chair.
11. Never have to take the stairs.
12. Hills are great fun if you have a wheelchair! (At least going downhill.)
13. People always look at you like you’re an inspiration.
14. Mad arm muscles -- you can beat guys at arm wrestling.
15. Double rides on all roller coasters.
16. Some teachers offer to help you out with notes, and you can show up late for class.
17. Every time you stand up, you can freak strangers out (or get an ovation from a crowd.)
18. Enormous bathrooms.
19. Shoes are an option
20. It’s a great excuse for anything! (It’s not my fault, It’s my CP!)
21. You can make spastic sculptures and pictures to keep your friends guessing.
22. You never have to worry about finding a place to sit.
23. You end up with mad wheelie skills to impress people with.
24. When your drunk people never suspect, they just think it’s the CP!
25. Time extensions on exams
26. You never have to do anything to get attention-- people are already staring.
27. Never having to walk to class.
28. Being able to “walk” with a use of a joystick.
30. Developing a high pain tolerance is never a bad thing.
31. Never having to demonstrate a problem on the board during math class.
32. If you're slow people chalk it up to your disability instead of pure laziness
33. You can burn off every calorie you eat at lunch in one trip to a non-handicapped accessible building.
34. You could go out with a gaping hole in the seat of your pants and no one would notice.
35. No matter what kind of crap you pull no one will ever kick you out of Meijer.
36. Your wheelchair can double as a shopping cart you and your friends go shopping.
37. Handicapped Parking
38. An excuse to use the bumpers when bowling
39. Boyfriends give you lots of hugs, kisses and sympathy when you fall, which is often.
40. If people drop you or make you fall accidentally, they feel so bad that you could get them to do anything-- the question is will you?
41. No one makes fun of you for tripping and if they say “walk much?” when you do, you get to say "no".
42. People go out of their way to open doors for you.
43. Going to college is a HUGE deal, if you go everyone around you is amazed.
44. Parents brag about how “strong” you are.
45. You get to kill stereotypes on a daily basis.
46. You always have a lap to hold stuff on.
47. People part like the red sea when they see you coming.
48. Being bad at sports is a given, so as long as you attempt to do it, people are impressed.
49. You have more life experiences than most people you know.
50. Handicapped seating is usually in the front.
51. Never having to take classes like gym and shop
52. You can get out in the middle of class at times.
53. You can kick or hit people and claim it was a muscle spasm.
54. Free drinks at coffee houses because the people at the counter think you’re “sweet”
55. If you break something by running into it, or over it no one makes you pay for it.
56. You can meet the most awesome people when you have to ask strangers for help.
57. Fuck with the heads of all the people that want to “save to poor crippled girl”
58. You can have your friends do your hair and makeup for you.
59. The media loves you!
60. An excuse for bad handwriting
61. Everyone knows who you are.
62. You’re never too old for piggyback rides.
63. Your wheelchair makes a good walker for your injured friends.
64. You can get all excited about stupid stuff and people just think your “cute”.
65. You never have to act your age if you don’t want to because strangers think you should be immature.
66. You get to amaze people by standing and doing flips and tricks in the pool.
67. If you don’t have your chair with you, many people will scamper and offer you their chair.
68. You can single-handedly be the amusement of all your friends.
69. You get some great material for stand up comedy.
70. You learn to appreciate the small victories.
71. You are easily recognizable in a crowd.
72. You are not easily forgotte,n (Especially, if run people over.)
73. You can hide things next to you in your chair.
74. You can swallow pills without water,
75. You are popular. (Even if it is just ‘cuz you’re the “cute handicapped girl”.)
76. People like to party with you! (There’s nothing funnier than a drunk crip.)
77. You can use the word “crip” and not be referring to a gang member.
78. You never have to worry about getting your feet wet.
79. You can use those carts which the seats attached at the store, and make everyone wonder what the hell you’re doing.
80. No one ever questions your excuses.
81. Pain killers. (Paid for by someone else.)
82. Biker gloves aren’t just for fashion anymore.
83. No one questions anything you wear, do, or say.
84. Slamming into doors to open them is kinda fun.
85. You get praised for doing the simplest things. (THAT is amusing let me tell you.)
86. You don’t have to worried about people giving you wedges.
87. No worries if your pants are too big.
88. No need to take it personally when people call you a spaz. (After all, you can’t help it.)
89. You can get out of dissections in biology because no one trusts you enough to use sharp pointy objects.
90. Falling everyday gives you the skills to fall without injuring yourself.
91. No one messes with you (for fear of being run over or impaled with a crutch).
92. You can incorporated your wheelchair into your Halloween costume and go as a transformer
93. If you drop something someone else will pick it up for you.
94. You can in more circles in a smaller amount of time than anyone else,
95. You can invent fun CP friendly games (like sock tag and wheelchair skateboarding)
96. Braces make it so you don’t have to shave as often.
97. Your knees become numb after a while allowing you to kneel on hard floors or crawl without rug burns or pain.
98. Born with a talent for making “abstract” paintings.
99. You have great stories to tell at parties or gatherings. (This one time, I fell and….)
100. It just plain rocks and you know you’re jealous! (na na na na na na)
Haha. Some of these a ridiculous, but they ALL happened. Man, I miss college.


  1. HA yes... remember this... miss college days sometimes SO much... (and you and the rest of the crew).

  2. Hahahahaha!!!! Every single one of these is true. Love this post, thanks for putting a smile on my face! :)


  3. My favorite: you can incorporate your wheelchair into your Halloween costume and go as a transformer. Hilarious!

  4. Made me laugh.... thanks :)