Monday, November 22, 2010

How Do I love Thee? Beats me, I didn't Write the Vows.

When it comes to wedding planning there are the things that you know you have to do like choose a location, get a dress, get the rings, and send the invites. Then there are those small details one tends to overlook such as finding someone to perform the ceremony.

I jest, finding someone to perform your ceremony is one of the most important things you have to do, especially if, like Tom and I, you do not belong to a church or other religious organization.

Fortunately for us, my Dad already had someone in mind. Judy has been a friend of both my Dad and Step-Mom for many years and actually performed their wedding ceremony a little over 12 years ago. When Dad suggested her I could tell that it was important to him so Tom and I agreed.

We met with Judy on Thursday to discuss our plans. We met at her house which happened to be in a neighborhood across the street from the first apartment Tom and I shared together. We were early, because Tom is always early and I worried that she wouldn’t be ready for us, but she was.

Judy quickly put us at ease, Tom and I were both nervous about the meeting not knowing what to expect but it quickly became clear that she just wanted to get to know us, she asked us each to tell her about ourselves and how we met and when we knew that we were going to get married.

For me there was never a single “moment” when I knew that Tom and I would get married. There was no shining beam of light, no angels singing, or trumpets trumpeting. It happened gradually, without me noticing, he slowly went from someone who I enjoyed being with, who made me smile and laugh to a person that I could not imagine life without—and not because he was there everyday, but because somehow even though I’d lived 23 years without him, things seemed empty when he wasn’t there.

Of course, on the spot neither of us was quite so eloquent. I believe Tom said something along the lines of. “It just felt right.” and as unromantic as it seems he was exactly right.

After that Judy told us how the ceremony would go, how she would not have me given away because I was not property, but would ask everyone to bless our marriage and that we could choose a reading if we liked. Then we got to the subject of vows and Tom got a very scared look on his face.

Tom is not so excited about this part of the wedding. He hates being the center of attention. The vows terrify him more than any other part of this whole thing, and even more terrifying for him was the idea of having to write his own, I wasn't a fan of the writing our own route either since I had seen too many ceremonies where couples were so focused on reading their cheat sheet that they never made eye contact. I am the type of person that would take that personally... forever. I also didn't want to be reciting outdated cookie cutter vows with no real meaning behind them.  

Luckily, Judy had brilliant solution which allows our vows to be written for us specifically. She asked that Tom and I write a list of the things that we love about each other. We are to keep these lists secret until the day of our next meeting when we will read them out loud. Then Judy will take these lists and create vows from them. Neat huh?

I have to say the mushy romantic girly side of me is a little excited. Tom is many wonderful things but he is not much of a romantic. He tells me he loves me every day but I never get to hear why. I am excited. Tom is dreading it, which may or may not be why I am so excited.

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