Friday, January 6, 2012

The Dreaded Question

At least three times a week since I have been married someone asked me the question. Now, I’ve dealt with my share of annoying repetitive questions in my life. My favorites include “What’s wrong with you?” “Getting any speeding tickets lately?” and “Are you guy’s twins?” But this question might take the cake for the most annoying question ever. I bet you can guess what it is. I can tell you that I am not talking about the pregnancy question, although my Sister has started on that one and I am sure that's coming next. Still can't guess? What’s the first thing you want to ask me right now? Don't think, just ask. Yup, that’s the one.

“So how’s married life?”

What’s so annoying about this question, you wonder? Well, unlike my top three favorites, which are only asked by people who are nosey and have little tact, are completely dense or have a really lame sense of humor; this question has been asked by everyone. My best friends have asked it, my family has asked it, my friends’ friends and families have asked it, co-workers have asked it, clients have asked it: most of these people have asked it more than once.
For the sake of curiosity I will answer it one more time:
It is exactly the same. Tom and I fight just as much, we kiss just as much, we laugh just as much, I cook and clean and nag just as much and Tom hunts and plays video games just as much.

For the record, I think this is a good thing. In my opinion a change in our relationship would mean that we shouldn’t have gotten married. That somehow, we made the wrong choice. Tom and I lived together for four years before we got married. Nothing changed because nothing needed to change. Our relationship works. That’s I why we got married. Well that and because we love each other.

I’m lying.

One thing did change: my last name. This was weird. After almost thirty years of carrying a name I was proud to own. It’s gone. It’s been a challenge:  first, I had to learn a new signature; then, I had to remember to sign it; then, I had to actually learn to think while I sign. My last name starts with the same letter as my first so if I sign something absent mindedly I often sign things Melissa Melissa by mistake. I am used to saying my new name out loud now, but I still hesitate when I introduce myself to a new person.

I don’t regret it though. I changed my name not because I believe in old fashioned traditions, but because I wanted our family to have the same name, and because I wanted to give Tom something special. He knew how much my name meant to me, he never insisted I take his, but because I did he also knows just how much being married to him means to me.

And how committed I am. Changing your name is a pain in the ass. I am sure as hell that I am never doing that again!


  1. So, how's the married life?

  2. Yup agreed...........
    On all counts. Although now almost three years later if I have to sign my maiden name for something (say when I went to deposit bank bonds) I end up signing the wrong thing all together...

  3. Melissa Melissa, that made me laugh. In Iceland the bride does not take the man's last name. When born the males take their Fathers 1st name plus son as there last, and the Female's take their Mothers,plus daughter as there last name. I bet that would be a worldly tradition to look into.

  4. What is the word for Son and Daughter in Iceland? Doesn't it get confusing whose related and who isn't? Lots of people who are unrelated have the same first name. It is interesting though.

  5. I have not asked you that question... I won't either promise!

  6. Little changes with marriage, but everything changes with kids. Enjoy being newlyweds!