Just a Piece of Paper?

Maybe it’s the writer in me, but I have always been an observer of the small things, the details, the things that lots of people take for granted that are in fact, not small, but really amazing. Like walking for instance, most people don’t think about it, but the ease in which it comes to people has always amazed me. The way that two people, walking together, fall in stride with one another, without even thinking, so that from the side you see only one pair of legs and one set of arms; to me, that’s amazing. I mean really, what is that? How does that happen?

I am getting off track.

There are so many things that people take for granted. So many things that I have taken for granted that are simply amazing. Last March, when Tom asked me to marry him, I took for granted that I had managed to find that one person in the world that I wanted to share my life with and that he wanted to share his life with me. I took for granted that we could get married. I forgot that Marriage is not a right, but a privilege.

See, my full time job, which I have had for about a year now, has afforded me the ability to come off of SSI for the first time since I was eighteen, but I found out on Tuesday that my job may be in jeopardy, This, because of our financial situation, might mean going back on SSI, which you cannot receive if you are married. In other words, I will not be able to legally marry Tom if I go back on SSI.

Tom does not see it as a problem. He says that a piece of paper won’t change anything and that or marriage will be just the same without it. I love him more for that, but I wish that he could understand the pain I feel over this, but I can’t even explain it because it is just a piece of paper but it is a piece of paper that most of us want, but that many of us, as human beings do not have a right to receive, and that, plan and simple is just not fair.

My situation is not as bad as some because I still have a choice, and I am grateful for that, but it’s a hard one to make. I am facing that pivotal battle between my head and my heart. I am not sure which way it will fall. Really I am hoping that I don’t have to make it. I am hoping that I will keep my job or get approved for SSDI which is not determined by income and is, therefore, not affected by marriage. Whatever my decision is, come next September, I’ll be standing in front of my loved ones and telling Tom that I will love him forever as my husband.

If by luck, I do get to sign that piece of paper, I’m getting that sucker framed.